Working women in today’s modern world seem to manage both their personal and professional life beautifully – or so I think. I am also a working mom, but I don’t think I am very much successful in managing both. In fact, I have a feeling that I am failing in both. I have always wanted to be a home-maker after my kids, but till date I am not one. So, I don’t concentrate much on my career hoping that I will definitely be a home maker some day.
Though my salary is not my family’s main source of income, with the education costs reaching sky-high these days, an additional income has become more than a necessity. And when there is a trust-worthy person like my MIL to take care of my kids, working should not be a problem - This is my hubby’s view point. And though I have not asked her, I know for sure that my MIL will never let me resign my job, even though my kids are giving her an extra tough time each day - and I know it is NOT for the money. In her view point, any woman, however good her family and husband is, needs to be financially independent at any cost. I agree with her and I love her for this. But still………
Some of the reasons which I feel valid for wanting to be a home-maker, is that I want to get involved in whatever my kids are doing – be it playing hide and seek, or fighting among themselves or eating, studying, watching and dancing, etc. I don’t want to give them a timeline to be with me. I want to give them ALL my time. The moment I enter my home after a tiring journey from office, both of them rush to me with their biggest smile, leaving behind whatever they are doing at that time. Though I feel blessed in this moment, I feel guilty to know that they miss me during the entire day. Of course, they have got used to it and Smruthi has become mature enough to understand that her mom is working for her sake, but I am still not able to shake-off my desire of becoming a home-maker some day. I want to be there when they wake up, I want to make Smruthi ready for school, prepare their breakfast and lunch, I want to say Tata, Bye-Bye when she leaves for school, to feed Swathi myself, to play with her, to receive Smruthi with a hug when she returns from school, to teach her home-work, to watch them fight, to keep the house clean, to receive my hubby home with a smile when he returns from office, to prepare his favorite dishes, serve them in his favorite crockery sets, to tell bed-time stories to my children, and many more. I feel bad whenever my daughters want to play with me during bed-time and I tell them to do it tomorrow since I am feeling very tired today….but unfortunately….that tomorrow never comes. And if there is one thing which I hate to the core about being a working mom is coming to work, when my kids are unwell. I simply hate not being there with them when they need me the most.
There have been many discussions and serious fights regarding this between me and him, but the results are always the same. He wins and I am still a working mom. If it had been the other way, I would have spent this time with my kids in home rather than wasting my time writing this blog sitting in office. If I had my own way, I would have long before resigned my job to be with my kids. But deep below in my heart, I know that his decision is correct (even though I don’t admit it in front of him) and I trust my hubby enough to allow him to take decisions for me. So, I continue my work without any complaints. But more often than not, I start feeling miserable again about being a working mom and the vedaaalam in me will yerify the murunga maram, I want to immediately quit my job and again starts all the drama between me and him. And my hubby is patient enough to bring down the vedaalam from the murunga maram and let me continue my job, and I like a good wife accept his view points and drop my idea of quitting my job. But still…..someday…. I want to be a home-maker. But when? Only God knows.
Reason for this blog – For the past one week, the vedaalam in me is again trying to climb the tree and in order to prevent the fight which will again occur in due course, I am venting out my feelings with this blog and saving (trying to save) my hubby from the unwanted drama.