Thursday, April 26, 2012

A Cure for Discontentment in Relationships

I read this article from a website. Worth sharing...

This little story can help us manage the fault-finding and discontented tendencies that sometimes arise in our relationships...

After the wedding ceremony, the father of the bride took his son-in-law aside to offer some advice on how to have a long and happy married life.

"So do you love my daughter a lot?" he asked the young man.

"Oh yes! I love her more than my own life," the young man sighed.

"And you probably think that she is the most wonderful person in the world?" the old man continued.

"She is perfect. She is completely amazing in each and every way," the young man cooed.

"That’s how it is when you get married," said the father. "But after a few years, you will begin to see the flaws in my daughter. When you begin to notice her flaws, I want you to remember this son-in-law...

”If she didn't have those flaws to begin with, she would have married someone much better than you!"


Three important lessons I got from this story:

1) Be grateful for the faults of your partner
When we are in love it can seem like the other person is perfect. This perception is usually short-lived. True love lies in being deeply grateful for the faults of our partner. Why? Because if they did not have those faults they would be with someone much better than us right now!

2) What we appreciate, appreciates
When we observe and appreciate the good qualities of our partner, those good qualities increase. When we observe and criticize their weaknesses, those qualities increase. The way forward is to convey our needs without judgment and then to notice and praise every small effort made by the other to change and improve.

3) Be the best possible version of yourself
If we want the best kind of partner, we have to make an effort to be the best possible version of ourself. The way to the heart lies in by supporting and empowering each other, never by complaining about each other!


Thursday, April 19, 2012

CSAAM April 2012 - A better world for tomorrow

I have been wanting to participate in the Child Sexual Awareness Program, (CSA) ever since this started. Unfortunately, I have been only a silent spectator following the program, but never really having the guts to pour out, what I have been through. The saddest realization has been that almost all the women, have undergone this trauma - some minor and most very cruel, either as a child or in their teens - at an age so early, when you don't even understand what's going on. In fact, I believe there can't even be a minor or major classification to this issue.

The senseless brushes in the public transports, the vulgar taunts, the supposed-to-be-unintentional 'that' touch by people in the 'known-circle', flaunting their private possessions - yes, been there...suffered those... Now, all those seem to have happened in the long past, but the scars remain for life. When these rogues can easily get away with such intolerable acts, the incidents are etched in the memories forever as dark spots. There were periods, when I couldn't sleep, felt irritated, shouted at everybody, hated to come out of my room, unable to tell this to anybody. It took me long to come back to my routine. All the while, my parents remained blissfully unaware of the reason for my mood swings. Even today, after all these years, a related flash news in TV, an article or a movie scene is all it takes to bring those memories back. Till date, there isn't a soul with whom I have shared these with. Not my parents, not my sisters, not my friends, not my hubby - not a single person. The main reason being the feeling of shame, yes, I felt ashamed, then for all the obvious reasons. And I am still ashamed for feeling guilty for no reason of mine, shameful for not having the nerve to give those rogues back, not having the courage to tell my parents, feeling afraid of what others might think of me. I hated the feeling of being powerless, helpless.

The courage to pen these down, has come now, because shame is overcome, by a strong feeling of fear. Fear of the future for my daughters. What kind of a world am I getting my little girls into? Do they have to go through these like all the others? How am I going to protect them? How do I teach them about good touch and bad touch? And above all, how do I ensure that my girls trust me enough to come and report such incidents (God forbid!) It pains me to realize, that we need to make the kids aware of such things at such a tender age, when all they need to worry is only about chocolates and pencils. But there is no denial that this ought to be done. We have to educate them about these sensitive issues. CSA is such an unpardonable act, and the fact that this is not much spoken about doesn't help either. Thanks to the CSA Awareness blog. It's high time we speak out. We need to speak for the sake of our kids - and all the kids, for that matter. We need to make this world a better place for our children!

Come back and save the world
That's all the future
Of every boy and girl
Come back as Rama
Forgive us for what we've done
Come back as Allah
Come back as anyone!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

MY school saga begins too.....

This is to declare that I, Swathi Srikantan, has successfully graduated from playschool and started my kinder garden from today. Yeah, you guessed it right, the same school my sis goes to! So, how can I not post about it, especially after my elder sister has done so already here. How can I NOT do something, which she has done? What is the liberty of being the last in the family, if I don't compete?

The school was hmmm.....not bad. One thing (or one of the things...) which my mom dreaded was to make me wear uniforms. I hate uniforms. I hate them....I hate them...I hate them....I HATE them! If everybody is supposed to be uniform, then where is my individuality? The only reason I don't fuss about wearing uniforms for this school is that they are my sister's! (The school is yet to receive stocks on the new uniforms of my size). The pleasure I get in wearing anything of hers - wow! I just love to irritate her like this. I simply cannot sleep, if there's not a single moment when I have not irritated her. Not that I don't like her, but just for the thrill of it.

So, left for the school, and my mom was again all emotional, or so, I believe, in sending me. More than being emotional, she was more worried about my behaviour. I knew it. I could sense it. You should have seen her showering me advises all the way to school. I didn't even bother, though my sister was vouching for my behaviour, and responding her. "Amma, don't worry, Swathi kutty will be a good girl. I will take care" and blah blah blah. Swathi 'kutty'?? I shall get her for this! Anyways, after all the lecture, I was more than happy to reach the school.

I really didn't understand why all the other kids were making so much fuss, and crying about the school environment. Infact it was not even hot. They had air-conditioned my classroom, this year! I was so calm, and didn't cry the whole one hour I was there. (Though, I nearly would have, in another few minutes.) Now, if my mom knows that I am writing this, she would ask me the same question, because, I cried my lungs out during my playschool graduation party last week. It was all her fault, making me wear that stupid ice-cream costume, in this scorching sun, and asking me to dance on stage. Not that, I am not capable of performing on stage, but, how can I dance, when I am sweating so much from top to bottom in that jigu-jigu costume? My heads covered with the ice-cream, my hands closed in gloves, and knee-length boots? Moreover, why give her the satisfaction of doing something, which she wants me to do. Never! This again irritated her very much, and my poor dad had to bear the full brunt of it. Anyways, mission accomplished that day! Ok, where were we? Oh yeah - my new school!

So, its going good...If my parents are going to expect me to come out with flying colors like my sister, they would be wrong. And if they think that I shall not shine, that would also be wrong. They know pretty well, if I do something, it will be my own will and wish. The very few times, I listen to my parents, they feel proud of themselves for making me listen to them, huh! Poor them! Little do they understand, that in such cases, I listen to them not because they want me to do so, but because I want to do so.

Wait, a minute....Its been a long time, since I saw my sister around...seems like she is doing something in peace. Its high time I leave now. Gotta disturb her from whatever she is doing! See you all later. Bye.

- Swathi

PS: For the records, I started my school on 11 April 2012. So, if you catch my mom posting this blog on a later date, this is the chance to blame her for not being affectionate enough towards me to post it on time.

PPS: Darling Swathi, now that you have said all you wanted to, I sincerely apologize for not posting this blog on time, but trust me, I have been genuinely busy in my office. This does NOT mean that (as your dad says) I am more partial to your sister. You are equally special to me, and don't you let your dad's comments come between our love. Happy schooling dear!