CSAAM April 2012 - A better world for tomorrow

I have been wanting to participate in the Child Sexual Awareness Program, (CSA) ever since this started. Unfortunately, I have been only a silent spectator following the program, but never really having the guts to pour out, what I have been through. The saddest realization has been that almost all the women, have undergone this trauma - some minor and most very cruel, either as a child or in their teens - at an age so early, when you don't even understand what's going on. In fact, I believe there can't even be a minor or major classification to this issue.

The senseless brushes in the public transports, the vulgar taunts, the supposed-to-be-unintentional 'that' touch by people in the 'known-circle', flaunting their private possessions - yes, been there...suffered those... Now, all those seem to have happened in the long past, but the scars remain for life. When these rogues can easily get away with such intolerable acts, the incidents are etched in the memories forever as dark spots. There were periods, when I couldn't sleep, felt irritated, shouted at everybody, hated to come out of my room, unable to tell this to anybody. It took me long to come back to my routine. All the while, my parents remained blissfully unaware of the reason for my mood swings. Even today, after all these years, a related flash news in TV, an article or a movie scene is all it takes to bring those memories back. Till date, there isn't a soul with whom I have shared these with. Not my parents, not my sisters, not my friends, not my hubby - not a single person. The main reason being the feeling of shame, yes, I felt ashamed, then for all the obvious reasons. And I am still ashamed for feeling guilty for no reason of mine, shameful for not having the nerve to give those rogues back, not having the courage to tell my parents, feeling afraid of what others might think of me. I hated the feeling of being powerless, helpless.

The courage to pen these down, has come now, because shame is overcome, by a strong feeling of fear. Fear of the future for my daughters. What kind of a world am I getting my little girls into? Do they have to go through these like all the others? How am I going to protect them? How do I teach them about good touch and bad touch? And above all, how do I ensure that my girls trust me enough to come and report such incidents (God forbid!) It pains me to realize, that we need to make the kids aware of such things at such a tender age, when all they need to worry is only about chocolates and pencils. But there is no denial that this ought to be done. We have to educate them about these sensitive issues. CSA is such an unpardonable act, and the fact that this is not much spoken about doesn't help either. Thanks to the CSA Awareness blog. It's high time we speak out. We need to speak for the sake of our kids - and all the kids, for that matter. We need to make this world a better place for our children!

Jesus!
Come back and save the world
That's all the future
Of every boy and girl
Come back as Rama
Forgive us for what we've done
Come back as Allah
Come back as anyone!